Where's My Pizza?

Last night, all of us hungry and none of us wanting to cook - decided to go to dinner.  Unfortunately, as is the case most of the time, we didn't know where to go, so we ended up fussin' in the Suburban - all 6 of us - over where to eat.  So, at 4 dollars a gallon we're driving down the road with nowhere in sight.  As is often the case in our family.  Don't you just love nights like this?  Hungry.  Tired.  No shower.  No plans.  Just wingin' it.  We're good at this kind of chaos.  It was to be an interesting evening - and that's putting it mildly.  (and if I didn't know better I'd swear that was a picture of telephone cords served up on a plate in the picture above)

We ended up at Buca di Beppo in Pineville.  We've never been there.  As a matter of fact, for all the times I've passed it in the 3 years that we have lived here, I always thought it was called "Bucs" and I wasn't about to eat at a place called "Bucs."  I envisioned one of those electrical bulls center stage, with Cynthia Nixon (Sex in the City) straddling the dang thing feeling mighty powerful.  For 3 years, I've stayed clear of "Bucs," and now I may actually know why - although the food was mighty tasty.

Envision Lucille Ball in an I Love Lucy scene when she goes to a - whatayacallit - a Medium.  And she has this Medium, beguiled in jewels and long fingernails, rub a crystal ball and tell her her future as an entertainer at the Babalu.  Read her cards.  Scratch her head.  Smile at her with golden teeth.  Uh, try to find the fastest exit.  I felt like we were going to see spirits and have someone read us our cards.  Or something.  Dinner?  Did you all want dinner?  We serve heads here. 

I do believe that Alison was frightened by the menu.  Get Me Out of Here!  Are you all trying to have me roasted? 

"Oh dear God in Heaven.  I am too old and too tired for this sh**.  Why did I leave New Mexico?  What have I done!  Why have I come to this place to live with these people?  Why is Sarah holding a pencil next to my head?  Who Am I?  Why am I here?  Where the hell is that Medium!!!"

Oh look!  It's our server!  Mr. David Petty himself.  The one and only.  Trying to break into Nascar Broadcasting is a tough business, so he works here - between ... between what?

As usual, the family got comfortable.  Glen was so hungry, he decided to dig for his dinner.

Matthew decided to pout because he couldn't find anything interesting on the menu.

Sarah decided to give Big Daddy Bear the evil eye for insisting we eat at this odd place.  "I'm going to make you pay for this, Dad.  You just wait.  Your time is comin.'"

Big Bear took this opportunity to flip AVAYA the bird. (children close your eyes for a moment - but only for a moment) 

And so, we took this opportunity to enjoy the scenery.  I had to look at this picture 3 times before I realized that it wasn't the man trying to put his hand up this woman's dress.  She must have had an itch.

These flowers went very nicely with the decor.  The casket was on the other side.

And behind this wall rests Mr. Blue Eyes himself. Light a candle and say a prayer before entering.

And see this picture of Sophia Loren? 

Matthew was mesmerized by her beauty and couldn't stop staring.

Sarah paid no attention to her surroundings.  Instead she answered homework questions from her World History class in preparation for the next day's test.  Such as:

1. Which Crusade was a success? Answer: The Last Crusade, of course.  Clearly Indiana Jones was the best.

2. Be familiar with the Children's Crusade.  Answer:  Okay, that's easy.   Isn't that the day after school lets out and everyone heads to Disney World? 

3. What was the System of Feudalism?  Answer:  Isn't that the system in which the children have to exit the room when the parents are feuding?

4. How should we treat the elderly?  Answer: "Mom, how do you spell  'formaldehyde?'"

Glen is clearly getting impatient for dinner.

Where's our server?  Why is he hiding?  Doesn't he know we've been waiting for 5 minutes?  Why do we have to chase him to the kitchen?!!

"Mr. Cook.  Where's our dinner? We're hungry here.  We are your worst customer nightmare" (although we certainly are the most interesting.)  "Mr. Cook?  Cooker?  Chef-a-tooee?  Is this Ratatouille's?  Where are the rats?  I'm the inspector.  Hello!"

Ahhhhh, Sophia Loren again.

"She is the most magnificent female creature that has ever lived.  I love her.  I want her.  Can I have her?"

"Who am I?  Why have my parents done this to me?  What is this feeling in the pit my stomach?  Why am I in love with Sophia Loren?  What do you mean she just turned 74?  Are you stinkin' kidding me?!!!

There was something wrong with Alison.  Alison?  Nice nails.  Alison?  I think she sees spirits!  Alison?

"Oh my darling Matthew.  My sweet, adorable boy.  Don't you think I'm as beautiful and magnificent as Sophia?"

Ahhhhhhhh...

"Matthew, I don't get it.  I know I am as gorgeous as Sophia.  I just don't get it.  I thought you loved me?"

Ahhhhh...

"I'm heartbroken.  I was never more in love than with Matthew.  Men, you're all alike.  Sarah?  Why are you holding that pencil next to my head?"

And for the final summary of our evening...

"Mean Avaya! Where's my severance?  Or better yet - where's my pizza?"

I told you it was a strange evening.