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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Gung-ho or Balance?


I've got problems.  Issues.  habits.  And they aren't necessarily good.  I get all wrapped up in a project, all gung-ho about it, and can't pull myself away from it.  I become so focused, so "in the zone" of what I am trying to accomplish, that I do nothing else until it is done.  So, as you can only imagine, so many other things suffer as a result of my immediate focus. 

My Big Bear made it a point to complain to me the other day about this problem of mine.  I can't say that I blame him, really.  I mean, it is frustrating when the laundry goes days without being finished and instead becomes a mountainous pile in the doorway of our laundry room.  Or, the kitchen table becomes a catch-all for everything from newspapers and mail to star wars action figures and lipstick.  Or, the children's lessons haven't been graded.  Or, I've been in the same pajamas for 3 days.  (just keeping it real here).  Nope, can't say that I blame him for complaining.


Maybe I need help.  I get all gung-ho to do something, or create something that is great - wonderful - fabulous - productive - prosperous, only to watch everything else around me crumble.  It's a real problem.  Take this "Raisin Toast" thing I have goin' on here, for instance - As a result of this place where I journal everything in my life that is important to me, I have neglected Red Easel.  Neglected to send out my monthly newsletters to my 500+ readers.  Neglected to update my artist listings.  Neglected to keep it up-to-date.  I should be beaten upon the head!  I should be scolded!  I should be ... should be ... feeling very guilty and sorry and downright upset with myself daggonit!  I have also neglected my art.  I haven't been in my studio to create a thing in about 3 months.  What's with that anyway?  Do I love writing more than painting?  I don't know.  Maybe I just can't seem to pull myself away from this dang computer long enough to find out.

This is ridiculous.  I have made a good name for myself in the world of fine art.  I have been published in the Who's Who of American Art and the Who's Who in Visual Art.  I have been published, garnered collectors, and recognized from North America to Paris and Italy.  I have won awards for my artwork.  Yet, I sit here like a lump-on-a-log writing instead of painting.  I should be stung with a cattle-prod.


So what is balance anyway, other than doing things on the right as equally as we do things on the left?  How can we find balance in our lives?  Who the hellacious knows?  I've been trying to find it all my life and can't seem to figure it out yet.  Obviously, nobody taught me structure, or I'd not have this problem. 

I need structure.  We all need structure.  My kids need structure.  Would you like to teach me how to do this?  You see, I don't like having a set time that I "have" to get up, although I get up early every morning with my daughter.  I don't like having a set time to do laundry or clean the kitchen, or teach my kids math.  I've been doing this thing called life by the seat of my pants for so long that I've come to like it this way.  But, as you can tell, it isn't exactly pleasing my Big Bear and for obvious reasons.


Maybe I should make a list.  A list of all the things I have to do every day and a list of the things I should do every day.  Then I should make a list of all the things I want to do every day.  Hmmm, I've never given this as much thought before now, and you know somethin', maybe I can figure this out - but do I want to? 

Then after I make this list I should organize it into time segments.  Time for writing, time for painting, time for teaching, time for cleaning, time for laundry, time for cooking (that's Bob's job - thank goodness).  Time for paying the bills, and going thru the mountains of paperwork that have accumulated in that bottom drawer in the kitchen.  Then my life would be in perfect order - ya think?  I mean really?  Do you really think this is possible without falling into the doldrums of structured boredum?


If anyone out there has any suggestions that might help me find structure and balance without getting bored with the day-in and day-out structure of life and responsibilities - especially since Life really is nothing but "maintenance" anyway - then please let me know.  I need help.

Susie Q

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