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Monday, November 03, 2008

Lefty to You Maybe ...


LeftyPic 

I like to scout around on the net from time-to-time, and occasionally, I come across a real gem.  And for anyone out there, blogger, writer, or reader, you know just what I mean when you find something to read that is written with passion and wit.  Not to mention written well.  Someone who has an excellent grasp for language and humor all wrapped up in one package.  Well, let me tell ya that when I ran across the blog of Charlie Pratt aka "Charlie Writes" or "Diary of an American Boy" I was hooked. 

Charlie's wit and wisdom are fantastic, and so is his writing.  I'm a regular to his blog now, which is the result of his soon-to-be published life growing up as an American Boy.

His most recent post was right-on (or is that left-on?)  Anyway, it was a great read and I wanted to share it.  Maybe you should drop by Charlie's when you have a moment that you want to sit back and smile, laugh, or just read a little bit of life growing up as an American Boy.  - Susan

LEFTIST CONFESSIONS

By: Charlie Pratt

I’ve been a left-winger for nearly three decades.

This left-leaning state I’m in doesn’t preclude embarrassing flashes of Bible Belt conservatism, waves of milquetoast, moderate boredom, and yes, Virginia, even moments of raucous, unhinged liberalism. Sometimes I prefer not to tell people about it. They tend to start staring at me in the way that smart girls stare at dumb boys who say things like “my dad thinks you’re hot” and “could we, like, you know, do it later?”

You see, I don’t want to intimidate anyone with my leftist advantages.

Statistically, leftism makes me better at sports, though I’ve seen little evidence to support such claims. Just to be fair though, there was one time my right-wing saved the day. A portly nine year-old named Dane smacked a line drive in the general direction of my face, which was out near shortstop. Ol’ Lefty couldn’t make the grade, I’m sad to say, but Righty was ready, Rawlings-wrapped and quick to the helm, moving quickly to prevent imminent facial damage and an unfortunate yearbook photo. Even Lefty couldn’t say much against such timely action.

Being left-wing also makes me smarter, according to numerous research studies conducted by lab-coated correlation addicts, the same people who like to tell me about the New England Patriots uncanny ability to win, when the temperature is below 20 degrees Fahrenheit, gas prices are above $3.65, and there’s a harvest moon. I’m not sure whether those studies were conducted by left-wingers or right-wingers, but to the veracity of such studies I can say, without reservation, that they’re completely spot-on. I am totally smart. You don’t stand a chance. Unless you too are a left-winger, of course - in which case, it’s dueling Rubik’s Cubes at ten paces. We’ll see what’s what.

You might be asking yourself why it matters at all, and why I’d choose to reveal my leanings today, and so close to an election.

This year, it seems we care - more than ever before - not about finding success, but about the reasons one should despise the other. We’ve disembarked the port of Sanity and are sailing, without map or compass, into the Nutty Sea. The right wing thinks the left wing will ruin everything and sink our creaky old ship, while the left wing (who swears it’s the right wing that is creaky and old) can’t stand that our creaky oldness is causing the other creaky old ships to hate us.

I know, I know, they’re all telling you that choosing one or the other does matter, because of this reason, this issue, this study, this damning bit of video, this press gaggle gaff, this association with this unsavory individual, this misspoken word, this inability to swoon female viewers, this strange middle name, blah, blah, yak, yak, vomit in my jacket hoodie. Someone take me shuffle-boarding, please. I need a laugh.

So, in the spirit of unity, as Americans, as people of the world, or to whichever magnanimous category you consider yourself a party to, think with me for a moment about ten good things that require the use of both the left and right wings.

  1. Applause
  2. Hugs
  3. Double-high fives (I think we can agree they’re far superior to the single high-five)
  4. Driving (One-handing the wheel doesn’t get you out of shifting into reverse, fella)
  5. Raising the American flag
  6. Signalling a touchdown / field goal / safe baserunner / 30-second time out
  7. Preventing the narrowing garbage chute from squishing you and your unexpectedly plucky team of rebel fighters
  8. Opening a jar of delicious pickles
  9. Providing a well-written, smartly-directed film the much-deserved dual Ebertian thumbs-up
  10. Showing your giggly, drooly new nephew the nuance and charm of “here’s the church, here’s the steeple, open the doors, see all the people”

So keep that in mind, as you cast your vote with either your left wing, or your right. It’s not all there is.

There’s more.

A whole hell of a lot more.

****************************************

Question for my readers: Please let me know if you would like to read more of Charlie's wit and wisdom here on Raisin Toast!  - Susan


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